Baby J recently celebrated her 2nd birthday and in honour of the big day I threw an Elmo themed party at home with a special appearance by the red furry monster himself. (thank you partyatyourplace) Baby J was so happy to see him and enjoyed her special day more than I ever expected. She brings us such joy every single day that it was great to do something for her.
Since that day I have guilt nagging away at me. What if Baby J isn’t truly happy in the future? What if we choose not to try to give her the one thing she really wants?
My husband and I grew up in big families, with each of us having 3 siblings. Yes we fought/fight with our siblings but we are grateful to have them. My siblings each have two children of their own. Many of my friends are on to child number three; yet I am perfectly content with having an “only child”. Only one child to put to bed at night, only one child to get ready in the morning, no sibling rivalry to deal with etc etc etc. Baby J benefits by getting our undivided attention and activities are age appropriate for her. The list of pro’s could go on and on.
But the cons weigh so heavily on my heart. What if Baby J grows up lonely? What if she longs for a younger brother or sister to grow up with? What if she sees the sibling bond that others have and wants to feel that also? What if she doesn’t understand our choice to not “try again”.
To understand my dilemma you need to understand that prior to having Baby J my husband and I went through 4 years of hell, including two stillbirths one year apart. (will blog more about that another day). To make a long story short, my husband and I are not willing to gamble on another pregnancy. We feel we hit the jackpot with our miracle baby and we are neither mentally nor physically prepared to try again. We have learned the hard way that a happy healthy baby is not always a guarantee.
Do we owe Baby J to try again? Are we being cowards? Are we being bad parents? For the most part our family and friends have been understanding of our decision as they know the pain we experienced in the past.
I just hope that Baby J will someday understand….